Losing Someone You Love

Day 4 assignment: “Write about a loss: something (or someone) that was part of your life, and isn’t any more.”

This would be the toughest topic to write about. Losing someone you love is always hard and expressing that loss is even harder.  The twist is that the topic I pick today is the topic I have to write about three times in a row, let’s hope I am up to the challenge as expressing your loss is very hard.

I lost my cousin sister when I started college. She was my closest sister almost like a best friend (although she was 4-5 years elder to me). She was the daughter of my paternal aunt. We used to share everything with each other. We were so close that my own sister was sometimes jealous of our bond.

During our childhood, she used to come to stay with us during the school holidays. We used to play the whole day. We used to wake up at 5 AM to go to the park and play with other kids. Then come back to our place and play or watch TV the rest of the day. We also loved to eat ice-creams, chips and chocolates. We used to emotionally blackmail our grandma to buy us Kulfi (a type of dessert) when our moms refused to give money for it. It was so much fun.

Then when we entered our teenage, our bond became more stronger. She started going out with a guy who lived near my place. I used to help them meet hiding it from my parents and also her parents. We used to lie and go out to meet him. It felt so good rebelling against your parents at that time and doing the things that they forbid. But her mother got to know about this guy and forbid her to even visit us. Whenever she used to come during that period, her mom came with her and would never allow us to go out even for 5 mins. Due to this, her relationship broke up soon after that. She was heart broken but recovered soon.

Then I went away for my high school for 2 years. I lost much of contact with her during those years. We sort of drifted apart. We talked sometimes, but didn’t get much time to share everything like before. I really regret losing those precious years. She started falling sick. Sometimes fever, sometimes other diseases, it was like she never was fine after that. My aunt took her to many doctors and after sometime, she started recovering. I came back to Delhi after my high school got completed. I used to visit her sometimes. But when I joined college, I didn’t get much time to visit then.

During my semester exams, she fell sick again and doctors were not able to diagnose her disease. She was after some weeks diagnosed with Jaundice. Although jaundice is easily treatable if its not diagnosed  early, it can be dangerous in later stages. When she got admitted to hospital, the doctors said that her multiple organs have started failing, and she got worse and worse. After 3 days of being in the hospital, she died. My parents had stayed with my aunt the last 2 days in the hospital. My exams had just finished that day and I was planning on visiting her that day. When my dad came home in the morning and told us that she had died, I didn’t believe him. It was just so bizarre. How could she have died without meeting me. How could she have died period!! I was unable to stomach it.

My dad took me and my sister to their place and when I saw her body there I went into shock. I still wasn’t ready to believe it. It was the first big loss of my life. When my relatives arrived for her funeral, everyone was crying. But my tears just didn’t come. When we had to leave after the funeral and prayers and I sat waiting for my uncle in his car as we were to go to my maternal grandma’s place coz my parents had to stay with my aunt, then my tears came and I cried and cried and remembered all of things I did with her and all that we shared. It was like I had lost a big part of myself, she was my favorite sister and she won’t be there when I ever wanted to talk to her or take advice from her. Nothing could console me at that time.

My aunt was also distraught on her daughter’s death as it was my aunt’s birthday the day she died. She is still very lonely without her. We try to be there for her but losing your only daughter when she is just 24, is very difficult. I can’t even imagine her loss. She has an elder son and he tries to fill the space my sis left in my aunt’s life but nobody can fill that space I think. Her wounds have healed with time but I can tell she still misses her.

But as they say, time heals everything. It was a big loss for my family. We went through a very tough times. After she died, it was as if our family started falling apart. There were fights and drifting apart from each other. It took a long time to get past her death. She was an integral part of my family. Everybody adored her in our family. Everyone felt her loss and still feel it. We still remember her and pray that wherever she is, she is happy and we’ll meet in some other life. We all love you sis and miss you a lot. I sometimes wish she could be here with us, I wish we could share everything with each other as we used to do before. 😥

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